christopher-hill.com

Dolphins

Isn't this the sort of incident that happens towards the start of disaster movies?
"I have never heard of anything like this, certainly not in the UK and possibly not anywhere," he said. "My own personal conclusion is that there was some sort of disturbance that has caused the animals to panic."
You say disturbance, I say Godzilla.
In fact, I have visions of some John Cusak type character in some anonymous whitehall building, saying "You don't understand, this is way beyond the normal behaviour for dolphins..."
Robert Downey Jr.: We know that beardy, that's why we're carring out full autoposies on all of them, to find out what caused this.
Cusak: If you'll just listen, I think I already know what caused this...
Robert Downey Jr.: You've taken up enough of my time, good day say...
Cusak: But the prophecy...
Robert Downey Jr.: I SAID GOOD DAY SIR
Cusak (being led away): The Prophecy....
Cut to:
A fishing vessel in the Bristol channel, hauling in its catch. The ship twitches unexpectedly. The crew looks at each other mistified. Suddenly, the whole vessels rises up out of the sea. The camera pans down to reveal a huge beast, like a dinosaur, the ship resting on its nose. The beast flips up its head, sending the ship high into the air. At the top of its trajectory, the zenith of its parabolo, the crew have just enough time to reflect on their contribution to the world. Everything they've ever regretted, everything they haven't said flashes through their minds for just a moment before the ship crashes into the jaws of the beast, who tosses it towards the camera, melodramtically.
The whole thing is whitnessed by a Japanese tourist on a sea safari boat.
"Gojira!" he murmers, struck by Awe.
Man in red shirt: "What did he say?"
Wife: "Godzilla!"
Man in red shirt: "Really? I'm pretty sure he said Gojira"
Wife: "No, definatley Godzilla."
Man in red shirt: "It's just...
Wife: "Godzilla."
Man in red shirt: "Goj..."
cut to:
A tv, showing footage of a man in red shirt being eaten by a huge sea monster.
Christian Guru Murhpy (off of the telly): "...dzilla. And in other news tonight, Noel Edmonds has been arrested on charges of..."
The camera pans down to reveal a bar. John Cusak is taking in Christian Guru Murphy's every word.
Cusak (to himeslf): "My god. It's happening."
cut to:
Whitehall...
Robert Downey Jr.: Get Me John Cusak, now!
cut to:
the bar, the news is still in the background, but Cusak has gone from his stool. Which is spinning. To cleverly show how Cuask has just rushed out. You see?
Christian guru murphy: ...before smearing the animal's blood on his genitals. That's all for now. Ba-bye.

etc.

This is precisely how I think things will pan out. Mark my words.

Labels: wearedoomed

Wednesday, June 11, 2008 2:20 PM