Oxford
I just spent a very nice weekend in Oxford with Liv. As a former post grad student at University College, she gets two free nights accommodation there each year, along with cheap rates for a guest. So for £30 a night with a free meal at "High Table", it was a really cheap city break. The only downside was that I was stuck next to a complete bore at dinner, who's idea of conversation was to talk at me in an attempt to display how intelligent he was.Him: So, tell me, how do you acquit yourself in life?
Me (Giving a flippant answer in the hope he'd chill his boots): I don't.
Him: Oh I see, so you're rather like St.Augustus then!
Me: ...I'm a software development manager.
Later on, after an hour of his bullshit ("I tell my students - you are not studying medieval history because there's no such thing as medieval history; you are living it here and now; this fork, this meal, it's all medieval! Do you see how clever I am? Do you?") I realised that I was bursting for a piss. Not caring that leaving the table at this stage probably wasn't the done thing, I asked directions.
Him: It's through the door, into the courtyard, and then left and up the stairs. And don't worry, I'll apologise to Rosemary for you.
Rosemary is Liv's mate who was head of the table. The old duffer was clearly trying to hint that I should perhaps stay put for now and not go to the loo.
Me (getting up to leave): Right, OK, thanks.
Him: You'll need the code. It is a secret code that only you will know. I will now tell you the code.
Me: OK
Him: It is Pi. Do you know Pi?
Me (going blank all of sudden): Er, 3.146?
Him: ...Maybe I should just give you my key.
Me: Thanks
Him: Don't mention it. And as I say, I'll apologise to Rosemary for you.
Me: Right. Thanks.
Him: Don't mention it.
Me: Right.
Fortunately when I got back, he was ensconced in conversation with the dull history professors opposite and I was free to chat with Liv, Rosemary and Sonia (Liv and Rosemary's friend; a delightfully acerbic and wicked woman who "hates people"). Over the course of the next couple of hours Rosemary and Sonia were to give me the third degree as to "my intentions" towards Olivia, and whether or not I'm a suitable partner for her. Questions ranged from how many babies I want, to what my favourite book is. They're very thorough, these Oxford types.
On to the pub, where we all got wonderfully drunk, before heading back to Univ via Ahmed's Kebab van for chips and cheese. The room we were staying in was once used by Bill and Hillary Clinton when they visited their daughter Chelsea, back when she was a student there. I wonder if the Clintons stopped off at Ahmed's Kebab van for chips and cheese. I bet they did, a thought I mused upon as I sat on the loo at 6am, dealing with the consequences. "I wonder if Bill sat on this very same loo "dealing with the consequences" too..." I thought to myself.
Saturday was very pleasant. Breakfast, followed by lunch, followed by a long stroll along Port Meadow to the Trout Inn, a nice summer pub with Peacocks roaming the beer garden. After that, me & Liv had a nice dinner at Gee's before meeting up with the others again for more drinks back in town.
Sunday was equally relaxing; breakfast, a read of the papers in the park, lunch, drinks in a beer garden, then we got the train back to Sheffield at half five, all relaxed and content. Oxford is a nice town, with some nice buildings, and Liv has some really nice friends there. Nice, innit!
Labels: oxford
1 Comments:
If chips and cheese send you to the toilet it's a good job you don't eat meat as a donner kebab with chilli source would possibly kill you!
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