Went camping this weekend with some work collegues, past and present. A jolly good time was had by all. Weather was OK, rained a small amount at one point but we were all able to shelter in Phil's palacial tent (I think it had its own wine cellar). My ankle was absolutely fine with walking up Kinder Scout. Took it quite easy obviously. My phone pictures are here, and I noticed Dave has uploaded his too, here.
There's been a lot of buzz about this show for frickin' ages. It's from the creators of the West Wing and it's about a fictional Saturday Night Live type show. Looks like it could be quite good. Channel 4 have bought the rights so expect to see in the UK some time in 2007. For those of us with access to US telly, it starts in September. 6 minute trailer.
If Jimmy the Cat wasn't retarded, I would ask him these two questions... 1) Why, without fail, is my reward for cleaning your litter tray an immediate and gratuitously smelly shit? 2) Why have you stopped burying your doings in the cat litter, the expensive top of the range cat litter that is very effective at literally soaking up smells, especially when BURIED. His answer for both questions would of course be "Becuase I know it annoys you, and that gives me, a cat, pleasure. We are a spiteful species."
Christian said on this blog a few weeks back that Blair should be shot for treason. I'm not so sure. Executing the mentally ill is not acceptable in my opinion. But what does it say about us in this country that we allow someone to remain in power when they are clearly so disturbed that they openly and honestly say that actions that lead to any of this are a good thing. They cloak it in the language of politics and diplomacy of course. The current talking point doing the rounds is "We need a sustainable peace" parroted by the Ameribritish government ad nauseam. You can interpret that as "It doesn't matter how many innocent children are slaughtered by our allies, so long as they win, and so long as they keep buying their bombs from us". What we actually need is peace. Full. Stop. I am ashamed of myself and I am ashamed of my country for not even trying to do anything concrete to stop this endless murder.
Handy guide to who hates who in the Middle East. Not really sure where this leaves me with regards to the question as to whether I should be going on holiday to Syria in September. To be honest it's hard to tell what the hell is going in that part of the world right now. There's been so much conflicting information flying about. It's been fairly obvious pretty much from day one that hasn't got anything to do with re-capturing two Israeli airmen, but nobody seems to be able to say exactly what Israels strategic objective is. The conclusion I'm coming round to is that this is probably more about territory, with Israel creating a buffer zone between itself and Lebanon, which handily lies across a strategic water supply. There's a rumour that Israel has had plans for a "three-week war" against Lebanon for a couple of years now. If they agree to a ceasefire in a few days time, without giving up any of its territorial gains, you could possibly argue there's some truth in that rumour.
For no better reason than I can, plus I was a bit bored this weekend, I've created a Google Earth file that traces the route I took from Sheffield to Shanghai last September, annoted with pictures and video and other interesting bits of info. I've always been a bit frustrated that there doesn't seem to be any proper maps of the route the Trans Siberian train takes, so hopefully this will be of use to anyone making the journey in the future. Consider it Beta 1. Download here.
Ankle News - I'm fairly sure things are improving and I'm going to try to go in to work tomorrow. The swelling has started to subside slightly and the range of movement is increasing and increased activity should help that. Apparently I can get specialist help through my work medical scheme. I'll definitely be unable to play football for many months and I'm having doubts about the half marathon in October too. We'll see how this week goes. Lump News - This has shrunk a bit since I've been on anti-biotics, which is a good thing. It also leaked some pus this morning (Nice!), which is less of a good thing. Not heard anything from the bleedin' NHS yet as to when they will remove it, the lazy bastards. I had a look at getting it done privately with my health insurance, but it looks like more trouble than it's worth, but if I have to go to my GP to get him to sign off a visit to the physio for my ankle, I could get him to sign that off too I guess. Table News - I bought a new coffee table and a new lamp table weeks and weeks ago from John Lewis. I was a bit upset that I was subsequently told that they were made to order in Italy so had to wait 8 weeks. And then when those 8 weeks were up they rang me and said they could only deliver on Mondays and so there was an extra 2 weeks wait because last Monday I needed to be in work for a dull conference call last Monday. But today they finally arrived. If anyone wants my old coffee table or lamp table, let me know. If not, I'll give them to the Bric a Brac place down the road.
It always amuses me when companies like McDonalds suddenly describe themselves as open, honest and caring. Their job is to make as much profit as possible using any method available to them that is within the law, and pretending that they care about any aspect of the consumer beyond their wallet is laughable. Their latest venture is a website where you can ask them any question you want and they will answer it. How delightfully open and honest! Except of course people start asking them uncomfortable questions and they end up having to give more and more stock PR answers which don't actually address the question, which makes them look anything but open and honest. Or Caring. Hopefully if enough awkward questions are asked they'll break down and just start using the answer "Because we make more profit that way, alright? Now fuck off and leave us alone". I thought I'd give it a go to see how quickly I get a response (though to be fair it is Sunday morning). My questions were about Fries, because most of the previous questions about their fries resulted in the stock answer "Our fries are cooked in partially hydrogenated 100% rapeseed oil". I asked... - Given the associated health risks, why do you cook your fries in hydrogenated oils? - If your fries are cooked in 100% rapeseed oil, why are they not vegan? I look forward to their answers with genuine interest.
Hmmm. I just watched half of Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Pirate Harder. Sequals are crap. There's exceptions of course. Superman 2, Godfather 2, Terminator 2. But sequals are crap because the producers pick the bits that were succesful in the first film and turn them up to 11. What you end up with is something that is considerably less than the sum of its parts. And hey ho so it goes with this. I spent for too much time thinking "What the fuck is going on?", whilst not actually caring about what was going on. Worse, it just wan't funny. I just didn't get it. I really liked the first film, but this was bollocks. Couldn't be bothered to sit through it all. I really really want to see Superman next, but I'm house bound and want to see it on the silver screen so I'll just have to wait a bit. Seems to be some controversy in the "blogosphere" as to whether Superman Returns is really good, or really bad. I will adjudicate on this. My opinion is the only one that is correct, as you all know.
TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.
AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.
MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks
SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person
SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person
TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women
I'm working from home today and I'm surrounded by barking fucking dogs and screaming fucking children. And I've got a headache and I'm pissed off because I can't walk at all and even the simplest thing like getting a glass of water is a logistical nightmare. This is exactly the kind of thing that creates serial killers, you know.
Bollocks! I've certainly been getting my money's worth from the NHS today. Not only have I had to see my doctor, but I've just hopped back (literally) from A&E. Bad sprain of my ankle playing football this evening. I heard a cracking sound and it swelled up to the size of a tennis ball so I thought I'd better get it checked out. Thankfully it's not broken, but it is very painful. I was actually playing football for the first time since I sprained the other ankle a few weeks ago, so when I got home I just took the strapping off one foot and put it on the other. So, today was not only the first time I had to go to the doctors in 15 years (not including a travel clinic) but also the first time I've had to go to A&E in 15 years. Nice one.
I went to see the doctor about the cyst on my jaw today and the scaredy-cat bastard didn't want to remove it himself. He said he was worried about cutting some crucial nerve or something, thus paralising my face for life, but I reckon he's just lazy (in my medical opinion). So I have been referred to a plastic surgeon at the hospital and put on anti-biotics as it's probably infected which is why it's suddenly got so big. I hope it doesn't take long, I'm the kind of curious individual who has to try very hard not to reach for a knife and cut it open, just to see what comes out. It's like having a Christmas present that you're not allowed to open yet because it's not Christmas, only much more gross.
Oh yeah, wrote this last week but because my router died I never got to post it...
Just get a load of broad beans from Beanies so I thought I'd share one of my favourite recipes. This is a great thing to make after a stressful day at work and with a bottle of wine on the go, as it forces you to take ages over something which uses almost no brain power.
You will need: Broad Beans (How many is up to you really) Risotto Rice (100 grams per person will do) A shallot or two Vegetable Stock (about 1 pint per 100 grams rice will do) Olive Oil Butter Paramsan (chopped or grated) Truffle Oil (optional)
Shell the broad beans. Bung in some boiling water for a couple of minutes. Rinse under cold water. Remove outer skins from beans and set aside. Dice shallot. Heat the stock. Heat Olive Oil in a large saute pan over a medium high heat. Add an unhealthily large chunk of butter. When fizzing has died down, sweat shallot. Add the rice and coat evenly. Add a ladel of vegetable stock and stir evenly (keep the remaining stock hot). Keep stiring, and when all the stock has been absorbed by the rice, add another ladel. Keep stiring and adding ladels until all the stock as been absorbed and/or the rice has reached a nice creamy consistancy, Melt in Paramasan and another knob of butter. Remove from heat and add the beans. Transfer to plate and drizzle with truffle oil to serve.
...sorry for the downtime. My router died. It was a piece of shit anyway, so I'm not too fussed. Now, what's happened since I last blogged. Oh yes, that's right, the Middle East has collapsed into war. Bastards. Not really sure what that means for my trip to Syria yet, playing it by ear. Israel have said that they don't want to fight Syria, but then they've also said that they're not going to stop fighting until they've destroyed Hezbollah, two incongurous statements. Maybe I'll just go as far as Aleppo in the north and give Damascus a miss just to be on the safe side. By the way, if you've been following the news, have you noticed how hard the reporters have been trying to avoid using the words "The Road to Damascus"? Israel has so far bombed "the road to the Syrian capital", "the express route to Damascus", "the thing that cars drive down that if followed will take you to the Syrian captial, Damascus", but as far as I'm aware, the road to Damascus is intact.
I went for a fell run today on the moors around Redmires Reservoir. Last time I ran over this ground, a few years ago, I got lost in marsh land. This time I was determined to be more careful. This time I studied the map in detail, I looked at the lay of the land in Google Earth - this time, nothing could go wrong. And for a while it didn't, apart from repeated face offs with rams protecting their lambs, which they do by standing head on in front of you on the path with a look in their eye that says "I have two large curly horns on my head. You're wearing shorts. What are the odds?". As the path wears on, it gets less and less defined. I guess most people by this point decided it's not worth it and head back. But not me. I studied a map! I'd viewed the lay of the land in Google Earth! Sadly one thing that is hard to pick out on Google Earth is peat bogs. I saw one ahead of me and lept over it majestically in one bound. Then another and again I launched myself skyward, only what I thought was firm ground on the other side was in fact a continuation of the peat bog, disguised as firm ground. My majestic leap served only to increase the speed at which my right leg was swallowed by the moorland, right up to my knee. God Damn! I pulled myself out and carried on across the moorland. And then I got lost. I found myself at the bottom of a hill in the middle of a field of sheep in lambing season next to a far house probably populated by a farmer with a shotgun and realised that I know had to run back up the steep hill back to where I was 5 minutes earlier, and then turn right instead of left this time. I said God Damn! But you known what, apart from all that, and apart from the wind and rain that battered me most of the way, it was a good run. Some of the views were quite amazing. At one point I just stopped and stared out across Sheffield below me, lit by the sun finding its way through a gap in the clouds. Beyond Sheffield you could see Doncaster, and if it was a clearer day you'd probably have been able to see as far as Scunthorpe too. If you have Google Earth you can view the run by clicking here, opening the link in Google Earth and pressing play. If you look carefully at the the hill I run round near the start, just north west of the left most reservoir, you can see some zig zagging lines in the ground. These are from the practise trenches dug by the Sheffield City Battalion.
You know, I just realised that the WTF post I made below makes me look a bit strange because I went to by eggs and beer. Like I'm some kind of freak that makes egg and beer cocktails or something. I'm not a freak, and I'd be prepared to fight anyone who says I am. No, it's just my foody project at the moment is learning how to make a decent souffle and that means I need lots of eggs. Plus I like to drink beer, but that's unrelated. Speaking of food, there was a recipe in this months "Olive" magazine for making tortilla pizzas that was just wrong wrong wrong. They mucked about with things like rocket and peppers. If you are going to make a dead simple pizza, stick with the basic dead simple pizza ingredients: Cheese, tomato, basil. Here's what they should have written 1) Put oven on at 200 degress. 2) Roast some vine ripened cherry tomatoes for 10 minutes in olive oil. 3) Remove from oven and roughly slice the tomatoes. 4) Put a tortilla on a baking tray and add the tomatoes with some sliced buffalo mozerella. 5) Bung in the oven till done (about 6 minutes). 6) Add some fresh basil leaves, lightly drizzle with olive oil. Bread, cheese, tomato, basil and a little olive oil. Perfect. Obviously if you are making a proper pizza, you would subsitute a tortilla for freshly made pizza dough. If you want to do that find yourself a recipe for a Neapolitan pizza base, or the slightly easier New York style thin base.
Who to support? That is the question. Personally I think I'd rather see France take it. It would somehow seem inappropriate for a country whose game is infested from top to bottom with corruption to be lifting the cup. Besides, winning would be a fitting swan song for Zidane, a player so talented that its embarrassing. Of course, there's another question that needs settling tonight. Daleks or Cybermen? It has to be the Daleks, don't it?
I just went to pick up eggs and beer at the Coop, and then something weird happened...
Her: Do you have any ID? Me: Excuse me? Her: For the alcohol... Me: [Blank look, still not really understanding what she meant] Her: It's a new shop policy, we have to ID anyone under 30. Me: [Still confused]....But I'm 30?! Her: [Carefully examining my driving license for proof that I am in fact older than 17] Oh right.
I mean what kind of policy is that, IDing they think are under 30? On what planet do I look like I'm under 18?
Well, watching England play has been a bit embarrasing, so a big part of me is glad we're out. I'm glad the elusive "big performance" never came because all it would have done is make people start to think that deep down we're a good team, when deep down we are just as shit as we are on the surface. I mean, as far as I can remember, we scored one goal in open play in 5 matches. Rrrrrrrrrrrubbish. England will never ever ever win the world cup, it is that simple. Can we stop pretending like we're some world beating team now? It was a fun evening none the less. I literally shouted myself hoarse and then went to some weird little kareoke themed Chinese restaurant, which was frankly such a bizarre place that you couldn't help just going with the flow. I did it MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYA!
This is quite a good idea. A bar that shows the football projected on to every available space, is air conditioned and where you have to book, so therefore not crowded. Sadly we booked too late to get a seat. Hopefully the match will live up to it, though given past performances, I'm not expecting much.
Today is the 1st July, and is a date that relates to two holidays that I've had in the past 12 months. Somme - today is the 90th anniversary of the first disastrous day of the Battle of the Somme. Various services are being held throughout the region to mark the occasion, attended by the only remaining survivor of the battle. China - The first railway between China and Tibet begins services today providing a direct rail link from Beijing, Shanghai and other cities to Tibet's capital, Lhasa. It's a 2,500 mile journey from Beijing, around 600 miles of which is on the new line. This epic 3 day journey across China will cost you just £85 first class. If even that level of comfort is not enough for you some time next year a Chinese firm will start running 5-star trains on the route, with suites that include king size beds, and baths and butlers. Very reminiscant of the early days of the Orient Express really. The BBC has photos of the new line. I think the next time I see a cheap flight to Beijing or Shanghai (and have holiday time to spare), I'll definatley have to pop over and try the journey out. I had planned to go this September, but the Syria trip won out in the end.
I come across a number of interesting, fun, clever, stupid links on my travels around the internet, but can never be arsed to blog them as it's too much effort. However, Friend Feed has aleviated nearly all of that hassle. So, subscribe to this feed and you'll get all the links that I think worthy of your attention. It will be just like old times, when this blog was nothing but a repository of links to other sites. Anything else I post on the internet, like new photos will also show up in the feed.
