christopher-hill.com

mostly asinine bullshit

Fourteen ways to die in Shanghai

Well gee, I'll bear this in mind if my holiday is going really badly. Not sure which method I'd choose, it's a toss up between taking the 57 bus to the zoo and jumping in a tiger's mouth, or crushing myself with Tofu at Wang’s Tofu Stand.

Friday, July 29, 2005 12:53 PM 0 comments

ITV Out Do Themselves

Wow. Just...wow.
Just when you think ITV could not sink any lower, they come up with Teen Tourette's Camp.
Let's not beat about the bush, this is a programme where we are being invited to laugh at people with a mental illness. Admittedly it is one of the funnier mental illnesses, but it is a disability none the less.
What other hilarious programmes have ITV got planned? It's a Knockout for Spastics? Paranoid Schizophrenic Island (aka Last Man Standing)? I suppose it does give me a new weapon to use when people claim we should commercialise the BBC, as any argument that the British people would be better served by a BBC that has to operate in the prevailing market realities of the 21st century can be countered with the words "Teen Tourette's Camp".
"Aaah, But the BBC would be more efficient if it was in the private..."
"Teen Tourette's Camp"
"Aaah, but if the BBC operated in the free market they would be forced to produce programmes that..."
"Teen Tourette's Camp"

Thursday, July 28, 2005 12:57 PM 8 comments

Controlled Explosions

There's been a lot of talk about controlled explosions recently what with those (pretty rubbish) terrorists on the run. Have you ever wondered what a controlled explosion actually involves? The term has always sounded rather oxymoronic to me, so I did a quick Google and found this interesting article.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005 3:04 PM 0 comments

The Ashes

Two aliens were visiting Earth to research the local customs. They split up so that they could learn more in the time allowed. When they met to share their knowledge, the first alien told of a religious ceremony it had seen.
"I went to a large green field shaped like a meteorite crater. Around the edges, several thousand worshippers gathered. Then two priests walk to the centre of the field to a rectangular area and hammer six spears into the ground, three at each end.
Then eleven more priests walk out, clad in white robes. Then two high priests wielding clubs walk to the centre and one of the other priests starts throwing a red orb at the ones with the clubs."
"Gee," replied the other alien, "what happens next?"
"Then it began to rain."

No rain yet, and it seems England have made an impressive start by taking 5 wickets before lunch on day 1. Have that.

Thursday, July 21, 2005 1:23 PM 3 comments

Sheaf House Demolition


Sheaf House Demolition
Originally uploaded by chill.
They've finally started demolishing Sheaf House in Sheffield, and Dyson House is to follow shortly. I've a few photos up on Flickr of the progress.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005 12:08 AM 0 comments

Flame grilled


The Barbecue King
Originally uploaded by chill.
Check out that barbecue. That's proper that is. Dan and Zoe had an engagement party on Saturday night, and despite being there for nearly 6 hours, I don't have 6 hours worth of memories. Things start to get a pretty hazy after the 4th quadruple Scotch. All I can really remember is having a great time.
The party coincided with me being down south for the Proms. Friday was the First Night alongside such illustrious company as Sir Ian McKellen, John Session, and Pat Butcher off of East Enders. Monday night, a pretty amazing concert performance of Die Walkure which will long live in the memory.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005 10:58 PM 0 comments

Luton

I went to London yesterday and had the bright idea of parking at Luton and getting the Thameslink train into Kings Cross. If you saw the news, you'll understand why that turned out to be a spectacularly bad plan. I made it home, but not until nearly 3AM. Still, it was worth it as the opera was triffic.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 12:28 PM 0 comments

Stupid Idiots of the Day

Co-op for banning foods containing Monosodium Glutamate, because there are a few people that claim to have an intolerance towards it.
- Never mind that there are years and years worth of scientific studies showing it is safe.
- Never mind the fact that your body actually produces the stuff naturally because without it your brain would function at the level of Tom Cruise's (Tom Cruise's brain being the standard measure of retardation used by the scientific community).
- Never the mind the fact that there are countless of other products that people are intolerant to, but presumably remain on their shelves because they have less chemically sounding names such as cheese, wheat or some nuts.
- I mean, come on, what is the world coming to when we allow the anecdotal evidence of a few people to dictate what can and can't be sold in supermarkets. To bollocks - that's what the world is coming to.
There is an article about MSG here. I've not read the article because it looks a bit wordy and I'm a busy man, but it should back up everything I just said, especially that bit about Tom Cruise.

Monday, July 11, 2005 3:08 PM 0 comments

Chris & Dawn & Bridesmaids


Chris & Dawn & Bridesmaids
Originally uploaded by chill.
I've put a couple of pictures of Chris & Dawn's wedding on Flickr. I wasn't official photographer this time round, but took my SLR anyway. It was a fun do, my recollection of which becomes more hazy the more whiskies I consumed.

Sunday, July 10, 2005 11:23 PM 2 comments

News

I was reminded today of a really funny line in the genius programme that is The Day Today...
Chris Morris in sombre voice: "Some of the pictures are too distressing to be shown on television. It is only with that in mind that we broadcast them to you now."
Suprisingly, it wasn't the news coverage of the bombings in London today that reminded me of this, it was actually Dermot O'Leary on Big Brother's Little Brother as he said in a sombre and serious voice to the camera "Obviously at times like this talking about the goings on of ten people in the Big Brother house would be pretty trivial, but we're going to do it anyway". Have that, so called Al Quada; you can bomb us, kill us, but we won't let you mess with our telly! VOTE MAXWELL OUT!

Seriously, it is impressive to think that by the time I next visit London (Tuesday) it will be more or less back to normal. Someone elsewhere on the internet noted that at times of adversity, people tend to resort to type, and it is satisfying to see so many people in London deal with today's situation by settling down for a nice cup of tea, or by going to the pub and watching the cricket.

Thursday, July 07, 2005 9:05 PM 0 comments

Olympics

Like most people in the Yoo Kay (it seems), I'm glad London got the Olympics. It will give the capital a much needed shot in the arm, and should provide a major boost to east Laarndon, plus beating the French after Chirac's recent petulant bleating was very satisfying (it seems the word Schadenfraude isn't in my spell checker).
One interesting point - as the host nation, we will have to compete in every event, which means we will get to see a GB football team, which will be quite the novelty. It's a shame that as host nation you aren't allowed to choose all the sports. Darts, Snooker, and cheese chasing anyone?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005 10:56 PM 0 comments

The Who Rock

It's quarter to eleven on Saturday night, and I'm still working. But I'll tell you this - The Who ROCK. I hope Pink Floyd aren't shit. If it were me, I'd have been in the hospitality tent all night and would be absolutley shit faced by now - billions of viewers or not. I hope the Floyd have more self restraint than I do.

Saturday, July 02, 2005 10:44 PM 5 comments